If you read this with any regularity then I owe you an apology, this is late. As of time of publication its already 12th July. This is because as renowned poet and gentleman Ronan Keating once said 'Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it' and boy has the last month been a ride. I have had so much to do, I have submitted the final draft of my screenplay for pimping to the studios (which if your a studio head looking for horror, is out there now FYI) I have started the next one and done research on that, I got a new 42 inch TV, I turned 30 and had a big party and I went on holiday for a week where I spent most of one day looking for a wi-fi connection. Oh and I got a PS3 and have become addicted to Grand Theft Auto 4 and Call of Duty 4.

Anyway, on a positive note Summer 2008 is shaping up to be one of the best in quite some time with hardly any disappointments worth noting (did you expect The Happening to be good?, did you?) and we still have some cracking movies left to come out (The Dark Knight, WALL-E, Hellboy 2).

Due to the busy factor I have decided to concentrate on movies that I only have something to say about from now on. So for the record in June I also saw In The Valley of Elah, The Savages and Black Water. All are well worth your time I just do not have much to say about them apart from that.

Anyway on with the show…..

Walk Hard - The Dewey Cox Story: I liked this movie, I laughed quite a bit and at one point I actually laughed at something so much that I had to go back and watch the scene again and giggled like an idiot for the rest of the day. For me that is usually a sign that a comedy has done its job and though this was very amusing in all the right ways, like Blades of Glory it feels like it should have been much funnier. On the surface this is a spoof of films like Walk The Line and Ray but doesn't go for the dumb easy laughs like Meet The Spartans or Epic Movie would. Instead its done as if its a straight music biopic, just one about a very funny/dumb character. When it works it works very well but is definitely a movie that did not live up to its potential. ***

The Incredible Hulk: Hulk Smash! My favorite summer blockbuster of the year so far is Louis Letterier's revamp of the Hulk. Its my favorite because A) Its incredibly good fun and B) far better than I thought it would be and C) it gets everything right that the much maligned Ang Lee Hulk movie from 2003 got wrong, basically a tone that is just the right level between serious and fun. Edward Norton is a decent Bruce Banner and Tim Roth was a perfect choice for his nemesis who later becomes the abomination. They are both well supported by Liv Tyler and William Hurt as well as a small but no doubt important to the franchise role for Tim Blake Nelson. There are loads of hints here towards Marvel's plans for their characters, Captain America is referenced and Tony Stark makes an appearance but The Incredible Hulk still stands on its own as a thrilling comic book movie. The climax is what you always wanted to see, Hulk vs Abomination in New York City. Hulk even does that clap his hands to make a strong wind move that he did in the 1980's cartoon. Thankfully this has been a big hit which means we will get another one and move ever closer to an Avengers movie. Cant wait to watch this again on Blu-Ray.****1/2

Before the Devil Knows You are Dead: Woah heavy, that's the first thing I had to say when this finished. This movie is one of the most depressing in recent times. It starts off with two brothers who both have financial woes, not caused by excessive gambling or anything just kind of through the pressure of modern living. They decide to rob their mother and father's jewelry store to solve their problems and things go tragically wrong. This is all told in a tricksy flashback structure which alleviates the depressive air of the whole thing somewhat. Impeccably acted by Ethan Hawke, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Albert Finney especially Hoffman who comes across as both an incredible bastard and quite a tragic figure. Good Film all round really, just don't expect a happy feel good time.****

Appleseed - Ex Machina: The first Appleseed CGI anime from 2004 was good but lacked something when it came to the story. It was just very obvious and predictable despite being beautiful to look at. With this follow up they have corrected the story issues as well as improved the animation and wow! This is stunning on a big TV and I imagine even more impressive on Blu-Ray. The future presented here is incredibly detailed and well thought out. The action sequences have also improved due to the influence of producer John Woo no doubt. I had what is known as a geek gasm several times through out this as Masamune Shirow's designs were brought to life fighting off a plague of A.I controlled zombies. Is it too much to ask for a live action version of this now please? ****

Semi-Pro: I suppose it had to end sooner or later, no-one can stay at the top doing the same thing over and over. Semi-Pro is unfortunately one sports comedy too far for Will Ferrell. Its not that its terrible, its just very seen it all before. Some of the jokes work but most do not. The dialogue is the best thing in the film with Ferrell spouting phrases like 'cock sandwich'. the idea behind it is quite interesting as it has to do with the beginnings of the NBA and probably would have been far better received five years ago. After Kicking and Screaming, Talladega Nights and Blades of Glory its high time Ferrell tried something new. Luckily this summer's Step Brothers looks like it may be a big hit after this disappointment. **

The Bank Job: People slate Jason Statham nowadays and I really can't understand why, he isn't making high art but almost everything he is in is huge fun. The forthcoming Death Race remake looks like its the best movie ever made from the trailer. The Bank Job got almost universally bad reviews when it came out earlier in the year but bollocks to that as its one of the most purely entertaining movies to come out for a while. Its got a gripping story full of twists and turns, characters that you actually care about not just mouthy mockney geezers and its got a great eye for period 1970's detail. All this hangs on a juicy based on a true story hook involving scandal and blackmail in sleazy 1970's London. Seriously folks ignore the naysayers and cynics, rent this movie for a truly great Saturday or Friday night. Its far better than 90% of the Lock stock wannabes that have been released in the last ten years. ****

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane: After a bad month last month my faith in independent horror has been restored somewhat by this film and Mitchell Lichenstein's Teeth. All the boys love Mandy Lane is another film that initially created huge buzz at the Sundance festival only to be bought and sit on a studio shelf for two years. It hasn't yet been released in the US either. The film is basically a slasher flick only it feels far more gritty and seems far more violent that it probably is due to the tone that is struck and feels like something that could actually happen. The director Jonathan Levine was very obviously influenced by the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre as nearly all the daytime scenes resemble that films cinematography. The teens in this flick are not the best looking apart from the titular Mandy Lane. They are also the kind of douchebags that you see on a train on a Friday night in London, all pissed on one can of cider on the way to the bowling alley and looking for a fight or sex. Its easy to sympathize with Mandy as she fends off their advances. Its even better still when a twist happens in the final reel that makes you question everything that came before. If this movie had been released during the Scream influenced slasher revival we would probably be looking at a huge hit. Sadly it seems this won't happen now and is probably a big loss for the Weinstein company. Never mind, Jonathan Levine's next film is the hugely acclaimed The Wackness due out this summer. Before that film hits big though check this one out so you can see where he started off. ***

Teeth: This is the kind of film that would have been banned as a video nasty fifteen years ago, how times change. We live in a day and age now where you can show semi-erect severed penises not once, not twice but three times and the third time you can actually see the top half of a penis fall out of a tooth filled vagina and on to the carpet to get eaten by a dog. Luckily you are spared a full on top shelf style view of a tooth filled vagina and that is just left to your imagination. Seriously though this is a great little independent horror movie with a lot on its mind. Its very well written and acted and has a blackly comic tone throughout. If there is one complaint its that the tone veers a bit too close to out and out comedy in the last twenty minutes or so. Will likely become cult classic rented by teenagers on sleep overs for years to come.  ***1/2

Wanted: When the trailer for this first appeared back in January I was not impressed. The original graphic novel by Mark Millar is violent, twisted and blackly funny and tells of a world ruled by supervillains where all the superheroes were killed in a huge war fifty years previous and now the villains control everything. It has great variations on the typical comic book villain and some seriously messed up characters like shithead (literally a character made of pooh) and fuckwit (a huge lumbering oaf who could rip off your arms without breaking a sweat). Needless to say its hard to see how Hollywood could do this justice without seriously watering it down. Universal are hardly going to bankroll a movie where the main character after his Neo style realization moment, kills his boss, his cheating girlfriend and goes and rapes the chick he fancies in HR. Rather than water this down however they decided to completely throw out all this except for the initial set up from the comic which is quite well done here. After the amusing first twenty minutes we have what can only be described as the most insane hour and a half of crazy gun blasting acrobatic mayhem ever committed to screen. If you liked Shoot Em Up, Equilibrium and The Matrix this turns the gun battles in those movies up to 11. Whilst this means perfect summer entertainment for everyone they may well have shot themselves in the foot by not being more faithful to the original. After this movie ends its hard to see where it could go from here and the franchise potential seems seriously lacking. With the scenario presented in the comic the amount of stories you could tell in that world are seemingly infinite. So to sum it up; Wanted is a great summer action flick but not quite what it could have been. ****

This months round up is late. Late because its been a month of personal and professional triumphs for me which means that I have had less and less time to devote to this as I have been frantically trying to get something else finished which is step one on me achieving my long term goal, dream job, huge house etc. That is a blog for another time perhaps…

Anyway because of this I have failed in my intention to watch every single summer blockbuster released this year and its only the beginning of June. Alas I missed Speed Racer, a film I really wanted to see. Mainly due to timing and the fact that it flopped big time and was only on in most of the UK cinema's for one week. I will catch it on DVD though and the enjoyment will no doubt be improved by the fact that I went out and got a 42 inch flat screen LCD TV. Seriously I don't know how I ever lived without one. Just got to get that Blu-ray player and HDMI connection and I will be all set to never leave the house again.

The mostly mediocre movies seen in May were as follows:

**SPOILER WARNING**

The Lookout: This film is screenwriter Scott Frank's directorial debut and you would be forgiven for expecting something amazing as he was the writer of Get Shorty, Out of Sight and one of my favorite films of all time Minority Report. Sadly whilst its not a total waste of your time this is a bit tepid. A combination of heist thriller and character study. We get a great performance from Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the troubled main character but sadly the movies plot spends the first hour outlining how difficult his life is and then only really kicks into gear in the last twenty minutes. Matthew Goode is great as the villain of the piece which gives me hope for his pivotal role in Watchmen and the underrated Jeff Daniels is also good as Levitt's blind flatmate. There are still worse ways to spend a Friday night.***

Paranoid Park: Gus Van Sant is an interesting film maker. He makes crowd pleasers like Good Will Hunting and To Die For as well as the more experimental likes of Elephant and Last Days. He can be forgiven the occasional misstep like the Psycho remake but not for contributing to a bad Saturday night I spent watching this dull lifeless meander. If he wanted to make a skateboarding documentary then why not just do that. We get a film with all the cool slow-mo footage and a who cares plot about a skater who accidentally killed a security guard around it. After this I wanted to go on a killing spree through Camden. Pointless *

Balls of Fury: The second half of my Saturday night from hell consisted of this turd. The idea of taking the plot of Enter the Dragon and mixing it with a table tennis tournament should have been, if you will excuse the pun;The Balls. Sadly its not, Dan Fogler is no Jack Black and the obvious jokes come from the "Walk this way" school of latter day Mel Brooks comedy. Avoid  *

Iron Man: Things got better thankfully with the first big summer blockbuster out of the gate. Iron Man is an action packed blast and arguably the most faithful of Marvels big screen adaptations so far. Robert Downey Jr excels as Tony Stark in a role that should along with Tropic Thunder, propel him on to the A list where he has threatened to be for the last twenty years. Jeff Bridges is also great as bad guy Obadiah Stane having that air of menace that all villains should have. Terrence Howard and Gwyneth Paltrow are also good in lesser roles which will no doubt develop through the next films in the franchise. The film truly comes alive during the scenes where Tony Stark is testing out the armor prototypes and especially the scene when he goes to Afghanistan and kicks terrorist ass. If there is one complaint its that the final battle seems a little under-whelming but this could be because we were spoiled in the metal mayhem stakes by last years Transformers finale. Still this is a great beginning to a franchise and has a spine tingling post credits scene. If you read the Ultimates you know what I mean.****

American Gangster: It took me ages to get round to seeing this and it was kind of disappointing. A film made by Ridley Scott starring Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe should have been awesome, sadly whilst its not bad its just a bit….meh. The central performances are great but it lacks the substance of something like Heat where the central good guy and bad guy play cat and mouse and the tension builds towards the explosive finale. Here we get the stories of the good guy and the bad guy and they don't really connect until the very end when it seems almost like an afterthought, Like 'oh and then he was arrested' The End. That may work on TV but not in a film with this pedigree. The rise and fall of a gangster tale has been done before and better in the likes of Goodfellas, Scarface and even Blow. ***

Doomsday: This is more like it! Neil Marshall clearly grew up on the flicks that I did as Doomsday is a homage/cross breed of Escape from New York, Aliens, 28 days later and Mad Max and it rocks. It feels like a long time since I have seen a film that throws all pretension out of the window and concentrates of sheer pedal to the metal entertainment. The car chase at the end is straight of Mad Max 2 and is soundtracked to Frankie Goes to Hollywood's two tribes for gods sake! see, pure entertainment. Rhona Mitra is actually awesome in this, appearing bad ass as well as incredibly hot and the bad guys and good guys are all well played by a mostly British cast. I will at some point this year be having a day of watching DVD's consisting of Planet Terror, Death Proof, Shoot Em Up and Doomsday, I am just that sad. ****

Street Kings: Another film that feels that it should have been better than it was, but isn't exactly bad is Street Kings. Its got a great cast a promising new director and is written by James Ellroy. This is something I never thought I would write but Keanu Reeves is actually the best thing about this film, playing a mean, alcoholic and borderline racist LA cop who will do anything to make sure the bad guys get what they deserve. Despite some tense moments and nicely shot and tense gun fights the plot does not live up to his efforts. If you have seen the underrated Dark Blue from 2003 which was also written by Ellroy then you have basically seen this film already.***

Shrooms: Its amazing what gets financed in the British isles these days. The set up of this film sounds fun and should have meant that this was a fun, low budget and inventive romp. Sadly it decides to go all predictable on us with a set up that means you can guess the ending in the first ten minutes. Evil Dead 2 is the sole reason I give these low budget horrors a chance as I hope to one day be blown away by a low budget horror flick that inventive again. My patience is wearing thin. **

Charlie Wilson's War: Along with a whole other set of films about the war on terror this never got the audience it deserved. Tom Hanks is great as Charlie Wilson a man who is driven to take action in Washington when he witnesses first hand the atrocity visited on Afghanistan by the soviets during the 80's. Unwittingly his actions lead to the beginnings of the taliban, you don't see that in the movie however, its more subtle being only hinted at come the ending. Philip Seymour Hoffman and Julia Roberts offer solid support and the cracking script is written by Aaron Sorkin who based on this and the sadly canceled Studio 60 is clearly one of the best in the business. Bound for reappraisal in years to come. ****

Wristcutters-A Love Story: The best way to enjoy this movie is to be somewhere between asleep and awake after a hard day. Due to the tone of the film and my state of mind I enjoyed this movie probably far more than it deserved but I should probably watch it again to be sure. It reminds me of the independent films they made in the early 90's as it looks like an indie film from the time. The story takes place in a strange limbo for people who have recently offed themselves, the limbo presented is kind of a grungy version of some shitkicker town in the middle of the desert that operates on a kind of dream logic. Characters think nothing of the fact that there is a blackhole in the floor of a car or when people fall out of the sky. This is why the movie works so well when half asleep or possibly if you are on something. Patrick Fugit and Shannyn Sossamon play the main roles and do a good job being likeable even if the characters are a little self obsessed. If you enjoyed Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind you may well enjoy this little gem of a flick.  ****

Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium:This is a charming kids flick which sadly fluffs its ending a bit. The first hour is all build up and charm and genuinely touching as we learn its time for Mr Magorium to move on and give his magical toyshop to someone else. Basically he is going to die kids and once he snuffs it the film then loses its way towards the end and wraps it all up a bit too conveniently in the last five minutes. Its a shame because there is half of a great movie here which is sadly let down by not fleshing it out a bit more. Sometimes more is more. ***

The Tripper: The Tripper is David Arquette's directorial debut and basically it seems this consisted of him taking a load of cameras, some mates and some weed to the woods and this is what he came back with. Its a badly shot and badly acted slasher movie set during a small scale music festival with a killer who idolizes former President Ronald Reagan. Seriously there are Troma films that look more expensive than this and are far more fun. God knows what Thomas Jane is doing in this pants. Gets one star because clearly they had fun making it but the feeling does not translate to the audience. *

Aliens Vs Predator - Requiem: You know sometimes I dread watching a film and it turns out far better than I think its going to be. Don't get me wrong, this second monster smackdown still does not live up to what was possible with an  Aliens Vs Predator movie but its a slight improvement on Paul Anderson's first movie. There are more Aliens, still only one Predator and a crappy looking Predalien. The human characters suck, they are cliche's straight out of TV cack like One Tree Hill. What this movie gets mostly right is the fights and the gore content being increased, mostly. I am all for a return to traditional make up and rubber suit effects over CGI but if that means we have to get men in suits fighting in pitch black locations that you cannot see then maybe CGI is the way forward. The fight scenes in this movie are so badly lit that you cannot make out much of what is going on, what you can see is quite a bit above the scenes in the first movie though and has more of a savage edge to it. Sadly this film did not perform well for the money men so its doubtful anyone will ever get a crack at this again. Any day now I am expecting an announcement about some commercials or music video director given the chance to remake either Alien or Predator. At that point I really will know that I am getting old.**1/2

Lions for Lambs: Lions for Lambs is like a debate, its like the best history class you ever had back in school where the subject matter caused a riveting back and forth about an event and why it mattered, what could have been done better and the point we are at now. The subject matter here is the war on terror and the fallout from 9/11. Whilst its not the visual spectacle I was hoping to test out my new 42 inch screen on it is engaging and has great performances from the three leads, Robert Redford (who also directs) Tom Cruise and Meryl Streep. Cruise is on form in this movie playing a republican senator delivering long thought provoking monologues about what the USA stands for in this day and age. He has one or two character moments that are spine tingling where he hints at his fondness for nuclear weapons and his desire to be president. Robert Redford is also great as a professor trying to persuade a disillusioned student to stay in his class and telling the story of two of his former students who are now in Afghanistan. Their story frames the action and gives it a context. The last scene of the movie is masterful. In one shot of a character watching TV, what he sees on screen sums up exactly where we are at in the world today and why this is so wrong. If you like to give your brain a workout and are up on current affairs then you owe it to yourself to check this out. ***1/2

He Was a Quiet Man: Christian Slater is an actor I have always enjoyed, sadly his career seemed to be plagued by claims that he was impersonating Jack Nicholson. Its a shame really as anyone who has seen him on the London stage in either Swimming with Sharks or One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest can tell you the guy has a wild kind of charm. You have seen this in films like Heathers, True Romance and Pump up the Volume. He was a quiet man is a small comeback for him really, it got a limited cinema release last year and has been given a bit more of a push on DVD. The film is pretty good at telling the story of an everyday Joe pushed to the limit who then finds his life turned around by one event where he was in the right place at the right time. When the character is then presented with a full view of the world, the view is too much for him to take and he begins to unravel. There is some visual flair to this film in the scenes involving a talking goldfish and a daydream sequence where a building explodes. Slater actually gives an almost unrecognizable and understated performance in this which gives me hope that he may well claw his way back to the mainstream. Sadly the film falls apart at the hour and twenty minutes mark as it opts for the 'It was all a dream/flashback/pre-death hallucination' ending which was cliche at least five years ago. ***

The Golden Compass: When I read the first book of Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy I honestly could not see how it could ever be a movie. The world presented by the book was so far out there it was hard to imagine it being done any other way than with animation. Alas someone did try and the results are moderately successful. Its no Lord of The Rings, Hell its not even a Harry Potter. I think the problem is that someone thought it would be a good idea to hand over this potentially lucrative franchise to Chris Weitz who directed American Pie. Now if this saga had been in the hands of someone like Guillermo Del Toro or Christopher Nolan I think we would all be anticipating The Subtle Knife next Christmas like we were looking forward to The Two Towers back in 2002. The Golden Compass is very frustrating, it gets the setting right and some of the characters and scenes are great but it just feels almost like a skim read of a great novel. Like a dumbed down version for the special needs set. The religious subtext is here and it would have been interesting to see how that was developed in the following two movies that we sadly probably won't see now. Still any film with an alcoholic warrior polar bear voiced by Sir Ian Mckellan is worth watching and this is entertaining enough. We will always wonder what could have been though. ***

Halloween: As mentioned previously, sometimes a film is so badly reviewed that you honestly expect it to stink so bad and cringe as you put the DVD in the player. Rob Zombie's Halloween redux was one of those badly reviewed films from last year. The original Halloween is one of those seminal movies that my Mum and Dad let me watch when I was about ten years old and surprisingly I didn't mind this film at all and it was an entertaining two hours. I say two hours because the version released on DVD is supposedly longer than the theatrical cut that I never saw, and it is about twenty minutes too long. Its good though, the way they show Michael Myers develop into a psychopath is actually pretty cool even though it does destroy some of what made him so scary in the first place. The one thing I will say that sucks about the film though is Malcolm McDowell as Dr Loomis, his performance is terrible and the teenage victims Myers stalks in the second half are annoyingly loud and squeaky so you don't really care when they get killed. Everything up until this though works really well and its much better than some of the other remakes out there. ***

Indiana Jones and The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull: With a feeling of excitement and a feeling of 'I really should have had a Red Bull' I went to a 10pm showing of the new Indiana Jones flick. There was negative word of mouth prior to release and then when the official reviews came in they were mostly positive. I have to say I sit on the fence between the two. For everything this movie gets right it has another scene which makes you die a little inside. Good Scene: The beginning action scene in the warehouse, Bad Scene: Alan Dale shows up to defend Indiana Jones from accusations of being a communist. Good Scene: Indiana Jones hiding in a fridge to escape a nuclear blast and then climbing up on to a hill to see the mushroom cloud, Bad Scene: The Introduction of Shia's Mutt character. Good Scene: Giant Ants attack!, Bad Scene: Mutt swinging through the Jungle with the Monkey's to catch up the rest of the good guys. You get the idea. Its not the fact that they had to update it from the Nazi menace and move on to what was relevant in the 1950's I.e Communists and UFO's, its the little things. Characters like Ray Winstone's always swapping sides war buddy and John Hurt's mumbling professor hurt the movie and bring the focus away from Indiana Jones which is why we were all in the cinema to begin with. As summer blockbuster's go its an entertaining action packed two hours and you will enjoy it whilst it lasts. That sinking feeling though you get on the drive home is because you know it could have been so much better. What I wouldn't give to read Frank Darabont's original screenplay which this was apparently based on before George Lucas vetoed it. ***1/2

 FILM OF THE MONTH: IRON MAN

RUNNER UP: DOOMSDAY

Commando is one of our beloved Governor Arnie's 1980's violence crazy action flicks.

Its well loved amongst 80's kids for its cheesiness and extreme ultra-violence…only recently released as an R1 uncut edition.

But did you know that Commando is also a treasure trove of little known movie facts?

Thanks to Steve over at the Empire Forum for enlightening me to the hidden depths lurking inside this 1980's utterly shameless action epic…

40 Things I Learned From Commando 

1) Porsches can "heal" themselves after repeatedly crashing into a Fiat and rolling onto their sides.

2) Two people can crash into a pole at 50 mph, wearing no seatbelts, and walk away.

3) Uzi's do not run out of ammunition until everyone is dead.

4) Being electrocuted will give you superhuman strength.

5) The best place to lock up a hostage is in a large room with balsa wood covering the window openings, with no guards outside the window.

6) The only way to break through balsa wood is with a disassembled doorknob.

7) Cheap airplanes are started by punching the control panel and saying "Fly or DIE!"

The best way to discreetly tell someone that people may be out to get him is by flying a military helicopter through the rolling mountains of Southern California to meet him.

9) Three men in a van can easily survive an explosion caused by a rocket being shot into the van's gas tank.

10) You can't just unbutton someone's shirt. You have to rip it open, and hold it open while talking to them.

11) A man's center of gravity does not change when picking up another man and holding him at arm's length.

12) Surplus stores have enough equipment to blow up an entire compound.

13) The only way to break into a surplus store is by driving your handy bulldozer through the front of it, for everyone to see.

14) However, no one will see what happened in (13).

15) A Ford Bronco with no brakes can still brake.

16) A Ford Bronco will explode three times upon rollover.

17) Tranquilizer darts are instantaneously effective.

18) One can walk about an airplane during takeoff if he claims that he is airsickand holding his guts.

19) Old Fiats are as fast as new Porsches.

20) Explosives set on the outside of a building will cause the building to explode from the inside.

21) Upon being scalped by circular saw blade, one becomes instantly pale.

22) Opening the hatch to gain access to the landing gear won't set off any warnings in the cockpit, even in a pressurized airplane that's about to take off.

23) Shopping malls have about 100 inept security guards apiece.

24) The best place to secretly exchange false documents for a briefcase-full of money is in a very public bar in a very public shopping mall.

25) Upon being blown up by a hand grenade, one does an acrobatic somersault.

26) Upon being shot, one acts like a cartoon character tripping backwards over a step.

27) Hedges deflects bullets.

28) If your daughter is being held hostage on an island, you should blow up every building on that island except one, because chances are she'll be in that one.

29) . If a team of ex-soldiers is given new identities and relocated, most of them will be given lousy jobs (car salesman, fishing boat worker), but the leader gets a big house in the mountains . And the psychotic guy who got kicked off the team will get a new identity too, for some reason.

30) If a large truck comes barreling down a mountain toward you while you are driving, you should not brake. Instead, you should just say, "he's gonna hit us!" and keep driving at the same speed.

31)When your plot includes the assassination of the leader of some foreign country and kidnapping a little girl you should wear low profile clothes, like chain mail, dog's chain on your neck, moustache and black leather pants.

32) When your plot includes the assassination of… you don't shoot a lethal Special Forces -guy when you have the chance. You challenge him into a knife fight instead.

33) When you're having sex in a motel room, you're not supposed to stop or get worried when you hear a gunshot and sounds of fighting in the next room.

34) If you are/were in Special Forces/Green Berets etc. you're huge.

35) If you are/were in Special Forces, you have superhuman senses and you can break a chain with your bare hands.

36) If you're from Austria and you need a false identity, the military gives you a common Austrian name like "John Matrix"

37)You can take a rocket launcher off a wall, give it to someone and then another one will magically reappear on the wall.

38)Shopping mall decorations can be used to swing from one side of to the mall to the other even though the person who is swinging on them is is 6ft 2" - 250 pounds!

39)It is possible to hold your eyes open while a plane is hurtling at 150 mph down a runway

40)Thrown like a javelin from a few feet away, a steel pipe can pierce through the chest of a bulky man wearing a chain mail vest and nail him to a huge boiler.